Das Fundstück der Woche!

[Sunniva]

@ kalypso
ich finde Ihn auch super süß

LG Sunniva

[Britta]

Ich kann auch noch was beisteuern:


Mitschnitt der kuriosesten Funksprüche zwischen Jet-Cockpit und Tower-Fluglotsen (im Tower werden die Gespräche der Flutlotsen mit den
Piloten aufgezeichnet).

Tower: 'Um Lärm zu vermeiden, schwenken sie bitte 45 Grad nach rechts.'
Pilot: 'Was können wir in 35 000 Fuss Höhe schon für Lärm machen?'
Tower: 'Den Krach, wenn ihre 707 mit der 727 vor Ihnen zusammenstösst!'

Tower: 'Sind sie ein Airbus 320 oder 340?'
Pilot: 'Ein A 340 natürlich!'
Tower: 'Würden Sie dann bitte vor dem Start auch die anderen beiden
Triebwerke starten?'

Pilot: 'Guten Morgen, Bratislava.'
Tower: 'Guten Morgen. Zur Kenntnis: Hier ist Wien.'
Pilot: 'Bin jetzt im Landeanflug auf Bratislava.'
Tower: 'Hier ist wirklich Wien.'
Pilot: 'Wien?'
Tower: 'Ja.'
Pilot: 'Aber warum? Wir wollten nach Bratislava.'
Tower: 'Okay. Dann brechen Sie Landeanflug ab und fliegen Sie nach links.'

Pilot einer Alitalia, dem ein Blitzschlag das halbe Cockpit lahmgelegt hat:
'Bei uns ist fast alles ausgefallen. Nichts geht mehr. Selbst unser Höhenmesser zeigt nichts mehr an ........'
Nach fünf Minuten Lamentierens meldet sich der Pilot einer anderen
Maschine
:
'Halt's Maul und stirb wie ein Mann!'


Pilot: 'Erbitten Starterlaubnis.'
Tower: 'Sorry, wir haben Ihren Flugplan nicht. Wo wollen Sie hin?'
Pilot: 'Wie jeden Montag nach Salzburg.'
Tower: 'Aber heute ist Dienstag!'
Pilot: 'Was? Dann haben wir ja frei.'

Tower: 'Höhe und Position?'
Pilot: 'Ich bin 1.80 m und sitze vorne links.'

Tower: 'Haben Sie genug Sprit oder nicht?'
Pilot: 'Ja.'
Tower: 'Ja, was?'
Pilot: 'Ja, Sir!!!'

Pilot: "...Tower, please call me a fuel truck."
Tower: "Roger. You are a fuel truck."

Pilot: "Tower, da brennt ein Runway-light."
Lotse: "Ich hoffe, da brennen mehrere."
Pilot: "Sorry, ich meine, es qualmt."

Controller: "Delta Bravo Charlie, ist Ihr Squawk wirklich 7046?
Pilot: "Positiv."
Controller: "Ich mag's kaum glauben, Sie haben eine angezeigte Höhe von minus neunzig Fuß."

Controller: "Hotel Papa Oscar climb four thousand to six thousand and maintain."
Pilot: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climbing flight level 100."
Controller: "Hotel Papa Oscar, climb to flight level 60 and maintain."
Pilot: "Aber vier plus sechs ist doch zehn, oder?"
Controller: "Sie sollen steigen, nicht addieren."

Pilot:"F LX 30, Kontrollraum, bitte kommen, wir haben nur noch wenige Liter Treibstoff. Erbitte Anweisungen! "
Kontrollraum: "Bitte geben Sie uns ihre Position an, wir haben Sie nicht auf unserem Radarschirm...! "
Pilot: "Wir stehen auf der Landebahn 2 und möchten wissen, wann der Tankwagen kommt! "

Tower zu einem Piloten, der besonders hart aufsetzte: "Eine Landung soll ja kein Geheimnis sein. Die Passagiere sollen ruhig wissen, wann
sie unten sind."
Pilot: "Macht nichts. Die klatschen eh immer."

Tower: "Haben Sie Probleme?"
Pilot: "Hab meinen Kompass verloren."
Tower: "So wie Sie fliegen, haben Sie alle Instrumente verloren."

Tower: "Nach der Landung bitte zu Taxiway Alpha 7, Alpha 5, Whiskey 2, Delta 1 und Oscar 2."
Pilot: "Wo ist denn das? Wir kennen uns doch hier nicht aus."
Tower: "Macht nichts. Bin auch erst zwei Tage hier."

Pilot: "Gibt's hier keinen Follow-me-Wagen?"
Tower: "Negativ. Sehen Sie zu, wie sie allein zum Gate kommen."

Tower zu Privatflieger: "Wer ist alles an Bord?"
Pilot: "Pilot, zwei Passagiere und ein Hund."
Tower, nach harter Landung des Fliegers: "Ich nehme an, der Hund sass am Steuer?"

Tower: "Geben Sie uns bitte erwartete Ankunftszeit."
Pilot: "Hmmmm... Dienstag wuerde mir gut passen."

[Coco]

Ich schmeiß mich weg!

Über solche Sachen kann ich mich kaputtlachen!!

Ich sollte solche Dinge nicht mehr im Dienst lesen, ich fall sonst noch auf! (Warum weinen Sie Frau ....?)

Mensch ich kann vor lachen nicht mehr!!!



Liebe Grüße
Coco

[kalypso]

Grossartig...

Pilot: 'Guten Morgen, Bratislava.'
Tower: 'Guten Morgen. Zur Kenntnis: Hier ist Wien.'
Pilot: 'Bin jetzt im Landeanflug auf Bratislava.'
Tower: 'Hier ist wirklich Wien.'




Danke, mein Tag ist mal wieder gerettet..

[skaja]

...ich persönlich finde "Katze installiert" großartig

Grüße
Katja

[Britta]

Noch einer gefällig??


>
>This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a U.S. naval ship
>with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland. Radio conversation
released by the Chief of Naval Operations.
>
Canadians: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid acollision."
>
>Americans: "Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North."
>
>Canadians: "Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
>
>Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
>
>Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
>
>Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN
>THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE
>CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP!"
>
>
>
>
>Canadians: "We are a lighthouse."
>
>
>

[Britta]

So, das ist dann auch der letzte...


Airline Entertainment

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

1. From a Southwest Airlines employee:
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of
this airplane..."

2. Pilot: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish,
but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern."

3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a
ride."

4. Upon landing and was coming to a stop at Washington National a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: Whoa, big fella. WHOA!

5. After a particularly rough landing with thunderstorms in Memphis a flight
attendant on a Northwest flight announced: "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments, after a landing like that, sure as hell
everything has shifted."

6. From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt and if you don't know
how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend
from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face.
If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting
with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.

7. Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,
nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."

8. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."

9. "As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants.
please do not leave children or spouses."

10. "Last one off the plane must clean it."

11. From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately none of
them are on this flight...!

12. Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it after an extremely hard landing, The Flight Attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome
to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

13. A flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

14. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required
the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying XYZ airline." He said that in light
of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten
off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no, Ma'am," said the pilot, "what is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"

15. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until
Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against
the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage
to the terminal."

16. Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of us here at US Airways.